Saturday was a pretty decent day with my brother. We managed to get at least one month of paperwork sorted through and my hubby was able to help him repair a couple of vents a baby raccoon tore up. I’m to meet with him again on Friday to get through more. We also got him to relax a bit and barbecue. His life is very difficult at the moment…he is in the middle of making repairs to his home and making improvements. He has built a beautiful deck off of the kitchen which faces a large back yard and woods beyond that. He is also trying to repair the second bedroom for his fiance’s son and is about 80% finished. He currently has no central ac/heat, but has the unit to be installed. He has one unfinished bathroom and the kitchen is only partially finished. He can’t focus on one room/repair/remodel at a time…he is so stressed that he is bouncing from project to project all the while stopping to take care of his fiance and nothing seems to get accomplished. I watched while he just spun his wheels on Saturday and accomplished only a small amount of work. My hubby and I want to help him, but my brother can not relent control long enough for us to get anything done. I will continue to help him with his paperwork and my hubby will help him with any repairs he needs no matter what my brother wants because he needs the help. He needs it because his health is starting to break from all of the stress he is currently under. He did get his fiance up, but she wasn’t able to sit outside with us for long; she had a seizure as he was taking her back to bed. The seizure rattled my brother quite a bit and it left her spent and completely apologetic that she couldn’t be with us. I told her she just needed to take time and heal, to not push things. All of her doctors had written her off as being paralyzed from the neck down, but she can move her arms and legs and sit up a bit. She has come a long way with my brother caring for her. This week she will be going to the hospital for more aggressive physical therapy because she is able to move. I don’t know if she will ever be able to walk again, but I would imagine that she will be regain the strength in her upper body. My brother has this huge – I don’t want to say burden because it really isn’t, maybe stone in his life path – and he doesn’t regret his decision to care for his fiance, but seeing his life at this moment makes me appreciate what I do have. It helps give me perspective on my own life. It makes me appreciate the small things in life, things I think I would normally take for granted. Helping my brother is something I am supposed to be doing right now, it is part of this journey that I am on. Ultimately, I will learn something from this experience. That is what life is about, learning from the the things we experience in our daily lives. We may not see what the lesson is until we are through the trial, but there is always a lesson.
I know I haven’t posted again since I started the blog and I apologize for my inactivity. I could say that life got in the way, being a busy mom and all, but that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is that I sort of “lost” myself. I know that sounds odd, but I sometimes lose sight of the ultimate goal of my life. I get off on these little side roads of life that just lead to dead ends, but at the time the roads look like they might lead somewhere. I have tried to break myself of going down those roads, but somehow I end up doing it anyway. I must learn something from those paths, but the lesson isn’t immediately clear to me.
I was going through some of my things from high school (it was eons ago, but I like to keep things, I guess to remind myself of who I was and who I wanted to be. Obviously, in this case it was a good thing I kept these particular items. Most of the items were old notebooks, but in those old notebooks were a treasure trove of things I had written, not just journals, but short stories or the beginning of novels. I also found things on herbs and a list of books that I wanted to read on those topics. (I’m drawn to a more organic, natural way of life. It’s not that I don’t believe in Western Medicine, but it has let me down so much in the past that I hardly ever go to a doctor. I’m thinking of starting a blog about that, and I will keep you posted if I do.) Anyway, these things I found made me realize that I’ve always had a dream of writing, that writing gives me such a sense of deep satisfaction. In short, it makes me happy. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m going to run out and get a degree in creative writing (although I could) or that I’m going to quit my day job (no matter how much I want to!). I do have a family to help support, so what I am leading up to is the fact that I think working in a library, especially as an archivist would give me a deep sense of satisfaction also. I’m attracted to all things old (obviously, I have a degree in Anthropology), but I also find that history gives me a deep sense of satisfaction of a connection with my past. I want to work in a career that will leave me with that deep sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that I receive when writing, and I know that working as a Historic Archivist will do just that. I already feel like I have gotten on the right road again. I don’t know how to describe it, other than I feel at peace within and I feel happy. I’m learning that we have to make our own happiness and I’m making mine, come hell or high water!
I have also been busy, life tends to be that way. I did have a job interview last month, but did not receive the job. I am not bitter or disappointed (okay, maybe a bit) because it was my first interview in 7 or 8 years and it was also for a position at a library. It was out-of-town, so I also took a road trip. My mom went with (I know that was a little weird) but I was able to spend some quality time with her. We do go to yoga together twice a month, but that isn’t the same. It was just us, one on one, catching up on life and remembering our past. It was such a cathartic experience and it was something that I needed.
I’ve also been helping my brother with the paperwork of his business, although we haven’t accomplished much due to our schedules. His fiance was in a terrible auto accident this past October and we weren’t sure she was going to make it. She is out of the hospital now and my brother is trying to run a business and care for her; something had to take a hit and it was his paperwork. I’m going to his house on Saturday to start organizing the last two years of his business. I love Joe, but he is a bit controlling and a bit hard-headed (as I am myself ), so it should prove to be an interesting day! I’m looking forward to it, though. I feel the need to reconnect with my family because I feel my life taking a new direction. I am making my own happiness and I am going to persevere against all of the obstacles in my path. It is important that I show my son that hard work and perseverance has its own reward.
I know there will be set backs and I will probably veer of the correct path, but (and this is the most important part) I will try not to lose sight of the ultimate goal (earning an MLIS in archival management and working in historical archives to make history more accessible to the public so that we can remember our past and make a brighter future for our children and to further historical research for the greater good of society). I want to remember the feeling that I have today, of finally finding my true path and feeling happy with my decision.
This is the first post on my journey! I would like to post at least once a week, if not more; however I am employed full-time and a mother of a two year old. I am also taking courses through MOOC – Massive Open Online Courses. In addition to the free course offerings through MOOC, I am also applying to graduate school. I am going for a Master’s in Library and Information Science. I think I decided to see how much stress I could place on myself before I went crazy. The other alternative is that I am already crazy, but even if I am, the pieces of my life seem to have started falling in place the minute I decided to go back to school. So, I have at least made some right decisions in the past few weeks. It makes me feel at peace with the world around me, so I think that I am taking steps in the right direction by going back to school.
Hence the blog. I want to use my blog as an outlet, a way to track my progress through this journey of going back to school and starting a whole new career all while taking care of a toddler.
Oh, and none of this would be possible without the loving support of my wonderful husband. I love my family more than words can describe and I couldn’t make this journey without them. So a big THANK YOU to my husband, Dan, for believing in me even when I didn’t and all of the instructors that I’ve contacted that are going to write letters of recommendation for me. Thank you all for believing in me when I didn’t and giving me the confidence to move forward with my life.
To new beginnings….